The Lainey Blog

We all remember lockdown the first time around. Tiger King. Tik Tok (…and I’m bored in the house bored in the house bored…) , House party. Zoom Quiz nights. No family, or friends, or hugs. Leo Varadkar was the hero du jour and Aldi became the local hotspot. Joe Wicks whipped us all into shape while our merlot – gin cocktails took the edge off the impending apocalypse lurking beyond our 5km radius.

Parents will remember lockdown particularly well. Google classroom. Múinteóir Clíona. Working from home – zoom calls with your boss on mute – smiling ever so professionally at your laptop while the kids pull the kitchen apart and fight over the switch.

But the single most traumatic event of Lockdown 1 for this momma of four was the utter horror of homeschooling…

Lockdown 2.0 is a little different for us. The schools remain open. I’ll admit this is quite a lifeline for most parents. Anxiety however remains at an all time high and with the schools now on their midterm break into the most unusual halloween in recent memory, many are left wondering; “Will the schools re-open following the break?”

The faint echo of the St. Patrick’s day March midterm break can be heard into the present day. This was when the schools closed for a period of two weeks initially only to remain closed until September.

That’s how they swindled us the last time…..!

So here I give you 7 things I would prefer to do than relive the nightmare of homeschooling my children again..

Childbirth

Bit dramatic you say? I say not. Maybe a little counterproductive in the grand scheme of things given that I’d technically have one more child to homeschool. But even with these technicalities threatening to discredit my list, I’d still rather naturally give birth than endure homeschool torture.

Watch Peppa Pig on a loop for eternity

I feel a little uneasy about this one. I’m aware that for me there is an element of selling my soul to the devil here. I cannot describe the pure joy I felt when my children no longer wanted to watch this cheeky little piggy and her whingebag little brother. I still believe this show is a little bit evil and would love nothing more than for it to be removed from our tv screens immedietly. But.. if it means homeschooling is off the table…

Shop in Aldi every day for a year

While I have no doubt that my fitness would only benefit from this endeavour, I could not imagine a fate worse than trawling through the aisles of Aldi special buys and squaring up to the terminator at the checkout till every day for an entire year. I’m actually surprised that packing bags in Aldi hasn’t yet been considered as an Olympic sport. The only time I actually need a glass of wine (or straight vodka) after a weekly shop. But if it meant that I would no longer have to homeschool, I’d even take the kids.

Glitter

I would let my kids cover themselves in glue while dressed in their school uniforms and roll in glitter on the kitchen floor while I cook dinner. I’d even let them play with slime. And sand. together, if it meant homeschooling was off the table.

Six hour delay

To be honest, any promise of travel would have me packing my bags faster than you could say hydroxychloroquine. But I would happily take one for the team and elect to be stuck on a fully boarded flight to LA with a six hour delay on the ground before a 12 hour flight. Seriously I’d do it, and I’d do it for you guys.

Jump out of a plane

Sticking with the airplane theme, despite my overbearing fear of heights (surprisingly not uncommon in flight crew), I’d happily jump out of a moving aircraft (…with a parachute obviously) in a bid to avoid homeschooling. Same goes for bungee jumping, rope bridges, that weird computerised cracking bridge in China somewhere and cliffwalking. Sure, I’d even try the 40 ft.

Farmaphobia / Haunted Spooktacular

No. No. No and No! To be honest, I do love a good scare. But these “fun” spooky trails are just a bit too realistic for me. Kudos to the actors I mean they really do such a fantastic job, so much so that I started to have a panic attack in the middle of the trail a couple of years ago. I’ll never forget being escorted through a demented hospital by a demon clown to safety while he fought off other monstrous characters giving the scare performance of their lives. Fun times. I never did get to thank my heroic Pennywise…

But hopefully it won’t come to any of this. I think the schools are doing an amazing job managing the virus and giving children the education they need and deserve. I can only imagine the extra workload they have taken on board to enrich the minds of our youths. Teachers deserve to be praised and respected for their efforts, and this mom truly appreciates all that they do. And if there’s anything you need teachers, anything at all, please don’t hesitate to ask.

Just don’t ask me to homeschool…

‘Til next time guys!

Lainey 😉